


Let Him Rest

by VictoriannWings



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Childhood, Erwin Week, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Other, bros, eruri - Freeform, erwinweek, erwinweek day 1, platonic, platonic!mike and erwin, sleeping, tuck me in bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-10
Updated: 2016-10-10
Packaged: 2018-08-21 17:50:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8254870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VictoriannWings/pseuds/VictoriannWings
Summary: He almost couldn't remember when they'd met: Sometime in childhood, Erwin was certain of that much. But he couldn't remember not having Mike around. He was the only person who listened to Erwin's childhood delusions, fantastical tales of people who lived outside the walls, his calm demeanor soaking up Erwin's enthusiasm and brilliance like a sponge.





	

Mike Zacharias had known Erwin Smith since long before he'd known himself. Erwin maintained this: there were a lot of things he didn't understand about himself but his friendship with Mike kept him sane. The quiet man knew exactly when to leave Erwin alone in his frenzied rushes of ideas and when to interrupt him from his wildest fantasies, and bring him back to earth. 

He almost couldn't remember when they'd met: Sometime in childhood, Erwin was certain of that much. But he couldn't remember not having Mike around. He was the only person who listened to Erwin's childhood delusions, fantastical tales of people who lived outside the walls, his calm demeanorr soaking up Erwin's enthusiasm and brilliance like a sponge. And there were nights they spent curled up together reading back to back until Erwin would finally pass out. Mike would close his book, stretch, and tuck Erwin's sleeping form in under his old patched up blanket. 

Erwin always slept better and harder and longer when Mike tucked him in. It became a nightly thing, and on evenings when Mike didn't, Erwin tossed and turned all night. Something about his best friend kept him from giving into his anxieties and made him relax.

They spent day after day together, week after week, year after year. Erwin couldn't imagine it any other way.

And then in their teens, Erwin convinced Mike to join the military. As for what branch to join, that wasn't even a question:

Erwin had waited his whole life to join the Survey Corps, and Mike couldn't imagine going anywhere Erwin wasn't going. 

Proudly, the two teens wore their uniforms, blue and white wings shining on each mission.

It wasn't until they first encountered the titans, though, towering and thundering, and the ground shook all around them. Soldier after soldier soared through the air, hisses of gas cans and gear, until blood sprayed from the bite of a body, a fallen comrade, a friend from the training corps. That it really hit them. That it knocked Erwin's ideals and plans to the dirt, soiled them all, made him rethink and second-guess himself. Shaken, he could hardly lead his horse back in through the walls. 

Alone in his bunk huddled in his blanket, Erwin had never cried so hard. He'd known they were horrible, heard of despairing tales and torn apart families, but to see bloodshed with his own eyes--to watch his friends, brothers, and sisters, die all around him--he had no idea it was like this. How do you even begin to describe, to comprehend horrors like these? He could see their eyes, their limbs, their blood. He could feel the warm liquid on his skin. 

He cried for hours, doubling over on himself, as if holding onto his knees would keep him together. His heart broke a thousand times and he couldn't breathe past all the shards in his chest. 

He saw their faces, eyes wide, staring, afraid, alone. He saw them die over and over, heard their screams echoed, ringing, crushing his heart with a searing ache. Erwin wanted to tear open his chest and grab his furious heart, if that would finally get it to calm down and still. Nothing, however, that he did or felt would bring them back from the dead. Nothing would save them from the titans. 

So Erwin vowed right then and there that no face he saw would be forgotten. He vowed that he would live his life for everyone who died--that no death would be in vain. That he would kill every titan he could so that one day, they might live in peace. 

Mike found him then, bundled up in shell-shocked, determined silence. He joined the shorter man, sitting side by side on Erwin's bed. No words needed to be said. As much as Erwin relied on words, on glorious speeches and flourished writing, he had no words for this moment. And so they spent that evening, silent and grief-stricken. 

That pain was only the start of it. Erwin tossed and turned, unable to find a comfortable position. He couldn't rest knowing that humanity was still in danger; his mind buzzed until he drifted off in sheer exhaustion. 

And the nightmares started, vivid and constant. Real knives sliced through his flesh and he woke with a start, hot and sweating, the acrid smell of titan steam in his nostrils, choking him. 

Erwin struggled out of his blanket and crossed to Mike's bunk, slipping into bed with him. Mike curled around him reflexively; Erwin couldn't tell if he had woken up or not, but his fatigued limbs were finally able to relax, warm and safe in the arms of his best friend. 

More than his childhood anxieties, more than his fears that he couldn't become a Survey Corps soldier, now Erwin's world had expanded. Ambition and drive to rise through the ranks, to devote himself to humanity, to free this world from a wild captor, it filled him up, made him manic, until he was an uncontrollable beam of light. Sometimes the words streamed through his head like wildfire, lighting everything ablaze, too bright to see past--until Mike laid his hand on Erwin's arm, drew him back in, helped him quiet his inner chatter. 

Time after time, Erwin was at his desk until the candles burned low, and Mike retrieved him, tucked him in, kissed his forehead goodnight. The newly made Commander swore he would never get to sleep if it wasn't for this incredible man who had devoted himself to Erwin Smith.

When Mike died it took him an entire week before he could go back in his own room.

Too much work to be done. Too many plans to make. Too many cadets to recruit. 

And still no Mike. 

Erwin would have nightmares for years, fitful images that raged through him, wracked him awake; reflexively he'd reach for Mike, but the bed stared back at him, empty and cold.  
Until one night he cried out and a small form hushed him, hands warm on his face in the darkness, voice low, comforting, lulling him. 

And Erwin wrapped his arms tightly around Levi, kissed him, thanked him for being the anchor in his storms.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Erwin Week: Day 1, childhood!


End file.
